


Desert Flowers

by Lynn_StarDragon



Series: Rise of the Team Fortress Guardians 2 [1]
Category: Guardians of Childhood - William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians (2012), Team Fortress 2
Genre: Crossover, Do not piss off Mother Nature, For a Friend, Humor, Silly, The Nucleus Incident setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2205291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_StarDragon/pseuds/Lynn_StarDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Engie reveals to the RED team that Australium is the root cause of their current 'problems', Sniper goes off on his own to deal with some personal issues. Out in the BadLands he has nothing but space to vent and even goes through some personal growth.</p><p>But that's not the only thing that does some growing and he's unfortunately attracted an unintentional audience. Too bad she's not as happy with Sniper's work as he is...</p><p> </p><p>[[Familiarity with RotG/GoC not needed to enjoy this. TNI can be found <a href="http://thenucleusincident.tumblr.com/">'here'</a>.]]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desert Flowers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hunterv of tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=hunterv+of+tumblr), [Vihtalaini](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vihtalaini/gifts), [Eximplode of Tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Eximplode+of+Tumblr).



> Based on events at Otakon 2014. Takes place directly after chapter 7 of version 2.0 of TNI by [Eximplode](http://thenucleusincident.tumblr.com/) (or between chapters 9 and 10 of the old version, and you can all pretend this is happening in RED!Sniper's Camper). I tried to match Eximplode's style... then said 'the hell with it' and let the thing write itself.
> 
> Beta'd by Vihtalaini. Enjoy!

 

He became aware of his own consciousness from the sensation of something striking him on the face. Repeatedly. Thankfully not in exactly rapid succession, but it was still something of an annoyance. Sniper was also still too groggy and tired to open up his currently unseeing eyes. He had been dreaming -- a novelty in and of itself -- inside the Endless Rainforest of his rejuvenated soul. The Endless Desert was unlikely gone for good, but he'd take what reprieve he could after the last few days.

The last few days... the last few hours--

Sniper's mind ground to a screeching halt and then started firing at fantastic speeds. Hours. Truckie had explained their mutations, powers, freakery, was because of damned Australium. He'd left after exchanging words with the bloody Spook and giving him a snoot full of pollen to boot. He'd driven from TeuFort with all haste out into the BadLands. The heart of the abandoned desert. Alone. Had a go at using his powers... fought some personal demons... maybe made some emotional breakthroughs, but then he'd made the desert bloom. He'd surrounded himself in beauty. He'd done something wonderful and marvelous and amazing and tiring and _he was ten stories up in a hundred foot tall tree, nestled comfortably in his own little legitimate 'Sniper nest'_.

So what in the name of his fraying sanity kept slapping him on the cheek?

Survival instinct overrode his all consuming exhaustion with a swift kick of adrenaline to the gut. His bleary eyes jerkily opened to take in the warped and bent twigs and oversized fragrant leaves of the tiny sanctuary he'd made for himself. The colossal tree was as he'd left her. The woman eerily standing over him was new though.

She was awe-inspiring and beautiful and there was something terrible about that, something that commanded respect and compliance. Maybe it was her bearing. Maybe it was her looks. Or just maybe it was because she had a wreath-like crown of icy white and blue flowers atop her head circling a bloody pair of glittery (pristine) branching horns.

She was dressed all in flowing white, a magnificent image to behold with skin just a shade or two of silver different from her clothing. Her dress was grand, likely silk or something refined and good for making swishy skirts that pooled around the wearer's feet like she was wearing. Her hair was a long, dark, living waterfall of curls that he couldn't see just where they tapered off at with his current angle. She was striking in her beauty... and also the answer to what had been striking his face with her deceptively delicate looking hands.

"Oh good, you're awake." She spoke politely, albeit with an underlaying note of discontent in her voice.

"Wot...?" Bugger all, he'd messed up. He wasn't sure how, or how he unquestioningly knew that he knew, but he'd completely cocked things up.

"I see you've grown a tree," the possibly unhappy woman continued with an unsettlingly calm smile, "where one shouldn't be."

The bottom of his stomach tightened into a sticky knot of churning acid and plummeted back to the dusty earth so far below. The Australium inside him, that strange alien intelligence that was part and yet separate from his own, thrummed that this could not in any way end well. "Who are ya? Wot are ya doin' up here?"

"I'm inspecting this tree," the horned woman continued nonplused, "this tree that is where no tree should be. This tree which **you** made be, and now I have to watch die." There was a sing-songy lilt to her voice and she stretched the word 'die' to rhyme with all the other long 'e's. It was all highly suspect and off-putting, not to mention it made his skin crawl with the need to flee.

"This? No," his mind was fuzzy, limbs half rebellious from sleep deprivation and nerves but Sniper attempted to pull himself up into a sitting position anyway. "She'll be rioght. She's hearty."

The woman, vision? whatever she was, snorted disbelievingly. "There's not enough water around to sustain her, to sustain all of this."

"How do ya know that?" In his bones he knew she was right, but that didn't explain how she knew that she was right and _how the bloody hell had she gotten up here!_ Probably wouldn't like the answer anyway. Everything about her positively screamed danger, death, and if he had full mobility of himself Sniper would have been down and off the tree, in his van, and driving back to the RED base before she'd even answered his first question... which she technically still hadn't.

The crowned woman turned her steely gaze back to him with only the faintest hint of long suffered exasperation tugging at the corners of her perfectly sculpted mouth. "I am Mother Nature." Each word was articulated with the authority of something far older than human reckoning and a finality that brooked no room for argument.

There was a single beat of hesitation for his reality to stutter out like a guttering flame, leaving a pervasive and perverse chill of truth hanging in the air. This was not a dream. He just didn't dream like this even when he had dreams once upon a time ago. The team had fought magical eyeball monsters, the occasional Zombie horde, there were rumors that Soldier had a sorcerer for a roommate, and now apparently Mother Nature was having a chat with him on the branch of a tree he'd made grow out of countless seeds laying lost and forgotten under the sands of the BadLands. Uncomfortable clarity settled over him as the prone RED mercenary realized that he was in probably one of the worst possible situations of his career and his only hope was to smooth-talk his way out of things... with the manifestation of nature herself.

"I'm sorry," he hurriedly blurted out even as he finally managed to hoist himself upright. "I got carried away with my emotions," which had fed the plants and that had fed back into him in some endless cycle of endorphin induced existential high.

"You're... sorry," the supernatural lady softly repeated. In the following breath she caught him by the front of his shirt and hauled him upright with one hand. "You're **sorry**?" Mother Nature practically roared and thunder cracked ominously, close enough to make the whole tree vibrate. Sniper himself felt like he was vibrating from sheer terror and that near blind-panic level of instinct to run for his ever-loving life. "This tree is breathtaking! It is gorgeous and wonderful and now I have to watch it **die**! All this?" She vaguely gestured at the surrounding greenery and gave a cursory wave to the plants below them. "Won't survive the week."

Sniper tried desperately to choke out another apology, but his own clothes were betraying him with the way her fingers twisted the fabric.

"Let me put this in simple terms your mortal brain can process." Mother Nature continued to seethe and glower murderously. "This tree? Is like a baby. It is adorable. That won't keep it from starving to death. You need to take responsibility for your babies." Her fist closed tighter, forcing out a wheezing breath from his parched throat. "Because as much as I would love, really love, to let all this keep growing... there's not supposed to be a tree here because there's nothing out here to feed to a tree. Too little water and the wrong kind of soil, you know? It would spend more energy to get nutrients than the energy it would receive from the nutrients it got."

His hands were fervently clawing at her wrist, either frantically trying to break her iron like grip or give him a precious few inches of slack for breathing space. Kicking out with his legs wasn't an option. She was inhumanly strong. The plants were listening to **her** , leaves bending to be nearer her like wildflowers in the sunlight. If she didn't loosen up or let go soon he was likely to pass back out.

"Now you can do whatever you want on your little bases, I don't care. I don't care about your war, I don't care about RED or BLU. I didn't even know it was happening until recently and I don't... care." She lowered her arm fractionally as the volume and anger drained out of her voice turning back from molten rage to icy contempt. "Do whatever you please on your little bases. Surrounded by concrete and metal and human constructs, I don't have to feel more of these beautiful things die while I watch, able to do _nothing_ to save something so exquisite as this." With that frighteningly clear warning uttered she let him drop unceremoniously back into the twiggy nest. "Are we clear?"

"Yes," hissed out thinly though his abused throat. Really, what the hell else could he say? She was Mother bloody Nature! How did one fight that?

"Good," she over-articulated the word to drive home that being unclear wasn't really an option. "Do something like this again and I'll let the Easter Bunny handle it."

Sniper blinked, hard, feeling like he'd missed a few dozen conversations. "Wot's... he got ta... ta do wit' this?"

Mother Nature smiled enigmatically. "Let's just say you aren't the only seven foot tall Australian who can make plants grow." Shaking her head she gave one last rueful laugh and turned to go. As she walked away from him towards the main trunk he swore he heard her faintly say, "First water-Snipers, now flower-Snipers," then she was gone as if teleported away.

Sniper just dropped bonelessly down on his back in the woody haven. He scrubbed at his face for good measure, in a bid to clear his jumbled thoughts. Well that had been harrowing, and there was no need for him to mention any of this to the rest of his team. Tensions would probably be high by the time he returned anyway, they didn't need to think he was mental on top of everything else.

"Holy Dooley," that had really happened, right? Probably had. Stranger things had happened even before the Nucleus incident. Then again his not-dreams could get weirdly vivid...

More sleep could only help. As long as he made it back for the day's match on time she'd be right. With the threat of death, or at least extensive bodily harm, outside of respawn range gone the weariness of before was back tenfold and his frame felt disgustingly sluggish and drained. He needed sleep in the worst ways. Even if he could fix his current issue with the trees (which he couldn't anyway) Sniper needed to rest first. His mind, however, was all abuzz with a tangle of thoughts haphazardly forming and breaking apart and reforming in his head. With a bit of effort though he could fix that.

The aromatic leaves he'd called forth before renewed and redoubled their efforts to fill the air with soothing scents and before too long he was drifting back to the realm of slumber.

* * * * * * * *

Leaving the top of his nest open to stargaze meant the morning light could get in. Sniper was mercilessly reminded of that fact the next day when his body doggedly forced itself awake in the bright morning sun after sleeping away the night. He was still a little groggy around the edges but with the Australium inside him directing the attentive plants and massive tree he was able to walk down, without incident, along the main trunk on a spiraling staircase that literally sprang up under his feet.

By the time he reached ground level it strongly looked to be closing in on mid-morning. Sniper tersely swore to himself and headed into the back of his camper to splash some cold water on his face. Just because he could easily commune with plants without a thought didn't mean he could leave his driving on autopilot. He needed to wake up. He needed to get ready for the day's battle. He needed coffee and a shower, a nice sinfully long shower to get the last of the kinks out of his muscles, but for now, wetting his face would have to do. That was fine, he'd been through worse. He even briefly thought about a few of those other times as he quickly washed up.

"Builds character," he mumbled to his reflection in the mirror as he gave it a weak smile. Said smile didn't last long as something dark and creeping along his collar caught his attention. Squinting a little, Sniper carefully undid a few of the buttons of his wrinkled red shirt to open it up more around his neck. "Bloody Hell..." He needed to take his shirt off because what he was seeing in the mirror couldn't have been real.

Fast as a flash he whipped his tops off and turned his head to the side so he could see himself in profile. "Strewth..." There it was, hardly a figment of his imagination, a dark bruise had formed on the back of his neck. Thankfully that would make it easier to hide, he'd just have to keep his collar up higher than usual. That didn't change the fact that it was there, clear as day. It must have happened last night... when Mother Nature had strangled him with his own shirts. Sniper slumped against the wall of his camper's water closet, feeling like he'd just been trampled by a herd of water buffalo. That had all been real. He knew it had been, but he'd managed to put it all out of his mind until that moment.

"Bollocks," he covered his face with his hands. "I pissed her off, I pissed off the _whole bloody **planet**_ **!** " A team of BLUs? He could fight against them. How the hell did anyone defend themselves against nature incarnate? "Oh gawd," he lifted his head up to glance sightlessly around the tiny room, "how do I fix this, how do I fix this..." Because she could have killed him outright. He had to have been outside respawn range. She had to have been giving him a chance to, what, make amends? Or, or (some frantic part of his mind supplied), she was letting him get away with it this once. Just this once. Because he was human. All he had to do was follow her instructions, right? "Never again," Sniper nodded to himself, "never again. I'll just... grow stuff at the bases. Small stuff. That can live. Or be eaten by us right away, so it don't have to suffer. Lil' flowers. Can get enough water most places to tend flowers.... That naturally grow there. Indigenous plants only." Because he didn't need to repeat the same mistakes twice to learn from them.

 _'Oh good, you were paying attention!'_ A wispy version of Mother Nature's disembodied voice echoed though his camper.

"Wot?!" Sniper choked, "Where?!" and looked wildly around for the source of the sound, "How?!"

Mother Nature only giggled terrifyingly.

Oh hell, she was on his house--van. She was in his van, how had she gotten into his van?! There wasn't any nature in here with him, not since the start of all this. The Australium in his veins seemed to howl for his attention and helped to force his chaotic mind to grasp the reality. Seeds. He was aware of every seed that had clung to his clothing, that he'd brought in from the tree... and her voice was coming from **them**.

Without further thought he ripped off the rest of his clothing and tossed it, along with his shirts, all into the small shower. He turned the water on hot, for good measure, planning to wash the troublesome things down the drain. He had a spare kit tucked away by the bed for emergencies so he could just let those soak overnight if it came down to it. Thinking better of it he got under the spray himself, just a quick rinse to get any and every seed off of him.

 _'Oh yes, this is totally effective,'_ the sarcasm dripped from her voice the way the water dripped from the shower-head, with about as much force. _'Because nature is completely made up of plants and trees and has nothing to do with rocks, earth, weather, air, animals, living things and,'_ Actually, _'now, what was that last thing?'_ now that Sniper thought of it, _'Ah, yes.'_ her voice seemed to be..., _'Absolutely nothing to do with **water**.'_ coming from the shower-head too.

"Bloody Hell!" Sniper jerked back like he'd been burned from the spray. "Can ya see me?! Are ya watchin'?! Thought ya wass gonna let me be!"

 _'Oh stop making things all about you,'_ the cascading spray sighed, _'I'm watching everyone all the time. You just happen to be aware of me now.'_

"Gawd help me," he really could have lived the rest of his life without knowing that.

 _'Again with the dramatics--and trust me, I **know** dramatics.'_ The running water coalesced into the familiar shape of the inhuman woman, though transparent and clearly made of water. She looked a little amused but every bit as deadly as last night, and it was all he could do to balefully glance around for a towel. "You remember that part where I said I don't care? I still don't." Even her voice was more tangible, as if she was standing next to him.

"Ya got a funny way ah showin' it." Sniper settled for firmly covering his dignity with his hands. His back was flush to the wall but that was probably more for his own mental comfort than an effective means of defense at this point.

Mother Nature gave a rich laugh that made her whole... avatar ripple. "Poor boy, no. As I said, you're just aware of me now." She shrugged nonchalantly. "It's part of my job to watch everyone. Not to deal with everyone, there's a world of spirits out there for that. But never-mind all that for today," and she dismissively waved the idea of further discussion on that point away. "I'm just making sure you don't write last night off as a dream, to remind you not to do anything like what you did again--unless it's somewhere the plants can be sustained--and to let you know the tree won't be here when you come back."

"Roight," he thickly swallowed, "gone by week's end." The room felt far too claustrophobic and he sincerely wanted to be wearing more than his roguish good looks.

"Ah, no," she smiled slyly. "A tornado is going to touch down and take all of this away."

Sniper boggled at the thought. "But, wait," he gingerly rubbed at his temple with one of his hands while the other remained planted between his legs, "wouldn't that cause a lot ah damage? Surroundin' wildlife included? An' I thought ya said ya couldn't do nothing fer tha tree."

"Not here, no. And there's nothing my garden can't heal." She seemed to considered his words briefly before nodding. "Though you have a point about potential damage." Then she brightly smirked, "Quicksand and sinkholes it is then."

"Oi, yer gonna let me go first, yeah?" Not that he would have been able to object or otherwise fight her if she said no....

Mother Nature just gave him an incredulous look. "I'm not interested in you," she intoned flatly. "You're not old enough for me... yet." Then she was back to smirking amusedly. "But you will be... _you will be_... one day."

Sniper gave a strangled sound of distress as he watched the watery shape collapse and disperse into mist as if the figure had never been there.

 _'And remember,'_ came the echoey hiss of air vapor, _'I'll be watching you...'_ and then she was gone, at least that's what the Australium indicated.

The poor RED mercenary was ready to tear his hair out, though he was grateful to be alone with himself again. He could think clearly now, including the ability to review his own memories. And if memory served by her own testimony the spirit woman couldn't reach him while he was on base. So it stood to reason that the more he surrounded himself with manmade constructs and less nature, the further from her reach he would be. Right, he could do that. Just had to get dressed and get back to TeuFort for now.

* * * * * * * *

It wasn't much later that the old, albeit sturdy, camper van pulled away from the odd oasis, quickly leaving it far behind. A short distance away Mother Nature stood with another onlooker crouched at her side. He appeared to be a anthropomorphic grayish-blue and white rabbit with suspiciously tribal markings for fur patterns and had a pair of carved boomerangs strapped to his back. He wore embossed leather bracers, foot-wraps, and a bandolier (packed with technicolored eggs) all of which were similarly carved and decorated in aboriginal markings like the boomerangs. Together they watched silently as the vehicle ate up the road insatiably in a bid to get away.

"So," the Easter Bunny was the first to break the quiet with his own Australian (technical Easter Island) twang, "why were ya so hard on him?"

Mother Natured hummed softly. "Teaching the lesson before it needs to be taught. Also, I just like BLU better--our BLUs. Besides," she flicked her pointed gaze down to him, "I needed to teach you a thing or two about jealousy. It doesn't suit you."

The large rabbit, Pooka, snorted grumpily and churlishly looked away. "'M not jealous."

She just rolled her eyes good-naturedly, and with an amused air grabbed him by his ears and hauled him to his oversized feet so that they were face to face and eye to eye. The Easter Bunny was surprised but not worried for his well-being, though he was clearly blindsided by the action. Her smile was playful, teasing, and she leaned in to give him eskimo kisses that he happily returned.

"Who's my Bunny?" She sang sweetly.

"I am." He snuffled in return.

"Who's my Bunny?" She repeated.

"I am." He delightedly shuffled his feet.

"Good bunny-bunny. Now... go get it!" With a bit of a toss she nudged him in the direction of the large tree and surrounding plant life. With his tunnels and her control over earth, they would have the new additions safely in her garden in no time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... there's a story behind this. It involves cosplay and awesome friends and I'll link pictures when they're up. Otherwise you can read my babble over on my tumblr.
> 
> The short version is, [Hunter](http://hunterv.tumblr.com/) was cosplaying as the Red!Sniper from TNI. [Vihtalaini/Madame Blu](http://vihtalaini.tumblr.com/) and I do TF2 cosplays, but we also cosplay Mother Nature and Pitch Black respectively from Rise of the Guardians/Guardians of Childhood. Once we told V about plant!Sniper it was on. Sunday she broke out Mother Nature and I ran around as cross-dressing!Onceler (from my one fic I need to do more of) just so we could do a photo-shoot of us all crossing paths. And then everyone suggested I write fic of Sniper and Mother Nature because I do that.
> 
> This version of Mother Nature belongs to Vihtalaini. Plant!Sniper belongs to Eximplode. Fanart welcome but please credit the respective parties.


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